Potentially losing him.

When I say “him” it doesn’t mean he’s my lover, boyfriend, or anything romantic of the sort; he’s one of my best friends. And when I say “lose” I don’t mean we got into an argument and we’re not friends anymore. I mean lose him, as in death. 

When he first told me that he has a bump on his head that caused him headaches, I thought he was joking, seriously. Because he’s the type that would, and I wouldn’t be surprised. But he wasn’t joking. What he said turned my world around. Sure, I’ve had family that fought cancer, but it had never hit me so hard. Why is that though? He’s not connected to me by blood, or by romantic feelings. Then why would this hit me so hard? Now, I’m 201% sure that we aren’t romantically attached, and he knows it too. It’s a simple guy-girl best friend relationship, and nothing, and I mean nothing can change that. 

Then I came to realize that throughout these 17 years that I’ve know him, he was my psychological, emotional, mental, and physical support. He is everything to me. The person I would call if I had problems with my car. The person I would punch if I were angry and couldn’t say it out loud. The person who I would comfort when he was upset and vice versa. He was pretty much the go to person for me

I’ve never been so worried for someone before.

At church, whenever the pastor says “If anyone wants me to keep them in their prayers, please raise your hand”, I always, ALWAYS raise my hand for him. I’ve even cried twice (of course without him knowing) because of him; something that has never happened with anybody before. 

No matter what happens (since his results aren’t out as of yet), I know that he knows I’ll always be there for him no matter what. And with an ego like his (the size of the earth), I know he doesn’t want to tell me how worried he is, and how he wants me not to worry. And I will be strong, I will be HIS support now. 

Praying for him. 

Praying for good news. 

Praying for relief.