Ever since I can remember, my life has always been busy. In my elementary school days, I was constantly attending extra-curricular sports teams, tutoring sessions, and fine arts lessons. In secondary school, I was always volunteering, attending practices for sports teams, involved in out-of-school dance lessons. And now, as I’m going towards the end of my university career, I’m working one full time co-op internship, two part-time jobs, training for my final ballet exams, going to the gym, as well as going to church, meeting with family and friends, and taking care of my chinchilla. I don’t mind the busyness, really. It lets time pass by faster, keeps my life exciting and makes me feel like I’m fulfilling my life with things other than sitting on my bed watching dramas all day.
But quite recently, I’ve jam-packed my life so full of activities and tasks that I don’t have time for myself. For me to think about myself, my career, my future and my life. Subconsciously, I let my brain control my life and pack my days with endless work, meetings, hang-outs, and such. My brain just wants to tell me that if I keep myself busy enough, I’ll be able to forget about him. Forget about the memories we’ve created, forget about the pain he’s caused me, and most importantly, forget about the emotions my heart yearns from him.
I know forgetting about him and forgetting the feelings I have for him will take time. Heck, it’s been two years and I have yet to find a way to stop liking him. “Liking him”. Seems so easy to type, but so hard to say. Honestly, I don’t think my feelings for him is just a “like”, it’s more of a “love”. Although I would never admit it out loud to myself, or him, or anyone else who asks.
They say it takes time for anything to fade. Wounds heal over time, pictures fade over time, details of memories start to deteriorate over time. My feelings for him will eventually fade to allow me to only treat him as a friend, only think of him as a friend, and know that we will only be friends.
The problem is: will my heart let those feelings fade?