A letter to you

For the past three years, you’ve changed my life in many ways.

You’ve opened my eyes to see the possibilities that I have never seen before. Advice from you was always given in my best interest and those were always followed by encouragement and support regardless of my resulting decisions. Spontaneously delivering a caffeinated beverage to me is just one example of the little things you do that gave me strength to continue pushing through whatever obstacles I was overcoming.

You have shown me that regardless of where we were in geological locations, we could still maintain the laughter, intimacy and happiness of our relationship. You were already a horrible “electronic communicator” but because it was all we had, you tried hard to reply my messages within a time frame and would never let me feel alone when I was having a bad day. You checked off boxes of a list that I never knew existed.

All these happy and enjoyable times clouded what was the real issue underneath: what were we?

To others, we sound like a couple. Same views, same morals, same faith, same career; we were a perfect match. But we both knew that beneath the facade and our actions towards each other, we never were romantic. We were soul mates, but not a couple. We were only “best friends” and nothing more. Did you ever notice that your “I love you”s to me were never reciprocated? All those times you say how important I am to you, how you look to me for strength, were those true? Did you ever see us having a future? I never let myself respond back because I knew if I did, I would have allowed myself to fall in love with you.

You had known my intentions and my emotions towards you, and you told me that I had deserved more and better than what you could provide for me. You encouraged me to go out there and find someone else.

And so I did. I really tried

It felt like I had a leash on me that was suddenly let loose. I was able to go search for someone else; someone I could spend the rest of my life with. Someone that wasn’t you. But every time I would mention a potential man, you would tug on that leash as if to remind me that no one would be as great as you for me.

And this is why I must learn to let you go. The constant communication between us is not what a normal friendship should be. It is that of a couple that is learning to deal with long distance and struggling to communicate. I need to let you go because what we are now is in conflict in what we should be.

And so I apologize because the next few steps I will take are going to be hard not only for me, but for you as well. You will probably miss me, but I hope that longing feeling you have for me turns into hatred.

As this is how we are able to forget each other.

This is how I know we’re over.

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