Letting go is not moving on

“It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.”

At this moment,  I have never felt so much opposition for a cliche saying. Recently a friend of mine went through a rough patch with his girlfriend. He told me that it’s a lot easier to let go if you have never had the mutual feeling of loving someone. If he could choose,  he would choose to have not started a relationship with his girlfriend if he knew it was to end up the way it did. At that point I never really understood what he meant; all I thought was why would you not appreciate the time you’ve had together? 

I always thought this way up until I decided to go on a 7 day trip to Los Angeles. I went there to make a bet with myself that I was over him. But I gave in to his hugs, his kisses and his cuddles. I let myself become the vulnerable state that I was in before. Now that I have returned from this “small escape from reality” I miss him a lot more. I miss him holding my hand. I miss his kisses at night before we sleep,  and in the morning when we wake up. I miss him holding me when I am sleeping.

I don’t completely regret going on this trip. But I do know I can’t afford to keep continuing to be in love with him. It will take time once again to heal me,  but someone once said:

Someday, we’ll forget the hurt, the reason we cried and who caused us pain. We will finally realize that the secret of being free is not revenge, but letting things unfold in their own way and own time. After all, what matters is not the first, but the last chapter of our life which shows how well we ran the race. So smile, laugh, forgive, believe, and love all over again.

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