I am a good liar

To be a good liar you have to first convince others to believe you’re horrible at it. This works just the same with emotions. To hide your deepest feelings, you must first convince others that you’re bad at hiding it and that everything you feel is written on your face. That’s how I do it. I verbally tell others I am a horrible liar and I can’t lie. I can’t hide my feelings because they show on my face. And I succeeded because not a single person I know, my mother included, can tell how I feel at any time.

All but two people. There are only two people in the world I can’t lie to. Regardless of how well I can hide in front of other people, I can never pass under their scrutinizing eyes.

The first is a person I’ve known for 19 out of the 23 years I’ve been alive. He self proclaims that he is my overprotective older brother – a role he proudly undertakes. When I’m upset, mad, frustrated or disappointed (mostly at/in myself), he would probably be the first one I’d call or message. When I make bad decisions in life – ones that he’d warn me not to make but I would still proceed to anyway – he would still be there to pick up the pieces of me regardless of the copious efforts he put in to prevent me from breaking in the first place. Although we’ve had lots of ‘downs’, we’ve definitely had our fair share of ‘ups’ that has built our friendship to what it is today. I can most definitely say he’s someone God sent to protect me from life’s adventures.

The second person is one that many of my posts have been about. He’s someone that I fell in love with almost four years ago, and am still having troubles letting go today. He’s someone that loves me, but not in the way I love him, at least not any more anyway. I asked him if he could tell when I’m upset. I had expected him to give me an answer most people would probably say, “Yeah, I can just tell. Y’know, its just so obvious.” But he didn’t, he told me exactly how he could tell. He said that I was exactly like my favourite Disney character, Tinkerbell. As a fairy, Tinkerbell can only have one emotion occupying her mind. Whether she’s upset, angry, happy, jealous, excited or frustrated, she can only show one emotion – much like myself. But despite being similar to her, he said I try to hide it and not show what I really feel; which fools other people. He mentioned that my laugh would go way off of my usual tone and how my smile would be ever so slightly slanted. He would notice.

I’m good at lying to other people about my emotions, but with these two I can’t seem to hide it. Maybe it’s not that I’m bad at lying to them, but because for me, there’s no need for me to hide from them any more – they’ll find out eventually anyway.

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