terrifying fall

It’s life’s little things that really take my breath away and allows me to really take in everything that surrounds my life. My family, friends, sports, and career have always been top tier items in the ‘glass jar’ of life that I live. I’ve always envisioned myself at the age of 30 with a stable career, living with my significant other, and perhaps with one or two munchkins running around to keep our daily lives interesting. But slowly, the ‘legal-age-21′ birthday turned into the ’24-year-old-and-still-single’ celebration. I started to convince myself that I’d someday have to be alone and survive these cold winters cuddling up with my rabbits – both who don’t necessarily love to snuggle with me either. I feared for the day someone would reaffirm my thoughts and insecurities and told me ‘Yes, you’re going to be the few people in the world who will end up single for life’.

It scared me.

And it drove me insane to see my friends all coupling up with their significant others, coworkers showing up to company functions with their dates, and couples on the streets holding hands. It drove me so insane that I decided to try online dating.

Nowadays, online dating is the norm – how else am I supposed to meet people while working in this bustling city of ours? And I must say, I was one of the people who would say things like ‘Oh, you met online?’ followed by a judging thought. Or the ‘but, its online dating….’ and continue to judge in my mind.

But that’s not how it is anymore. I have accepted the fact that online dating apps or websites really help you meet people around you whom you would’ve never met otherwise.

If it wasn’t for online dating, I wouldn’t have met him. We’re still in the early stages of this exclusive relationship that we’ve established and though we’ve already hit a bump or two, he’s never failed to make me laugh and smile after our small arguments.

I remember telling him that I didn’t want anything serious out of the fear of actually falling for him. Falling for him and then having the sweep up the pieces of a broken heart after him realizing he was ‘just too busy’ or ‘didn’t like me enough’ or the usual ‘let’s just stay friends’. Returning to dating from the end of a four year committed relationship wasn’t easy, but finding myself, for the first time in a long time, falling for someone so easily was terrifying. As scary as it sounds, it really is a leap of faith. It’s trusting in God above that He placed him in my life for a reason.

And I’m willing to risk it.

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